


Preventative Measures

by speccygeekgrrl



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Advice, Bonehead parties are totally a thing, Developing Friendships, Drinking to Cope, Gabby is determined not to let it end badly this time, Gen, Occasionally Max will crash them, This usually doesn't end well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 23:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12199731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: Bonehead booze is not made for a human liver. Max doesn't really care. Gabby cares a little too much. Maybe a lot too much.





	Preventative Measures

**Author's Note:**

> So everyone's been coming up with their own Boneheads since Smits started the craze with Ray, and my Bonehead's been chattering at me in the back of my head trying to get me to write about her. So... I gave in and did it. #142 reporting for duty. Gabby knows a little too much about everything that happens on Moon 13, but no one's going to hear about any of it from her.

"Uh, Gabby... I think someone might need an assist," Terry said, nodding into a corner of the noisy room. 

"And here I thought this would be an uneventful night," Gabby said, shaking her head and sending her curls scattering. "How bad are we talking?"

"Max has been drinking Grimdark," Terry said solemnly, and Gabby's eyes widened. 

"Oh, for the love of-- who thought that was a good idea? I thought I told Cherry not to give him the strong stuff any more! Ah, jeez... I get distracted _once_ and this is what happens under my nose? Fine, fine, I'll take care of him..." Terry flashed her a thumbs up and Gabby sighed as she swung by the snack table to grab a bowl of the pretzels she knew Max liked and a bottle of water. At least Max was easy to find once she knew she was looking for him. He was parked on the couch furthest away from the karaoke machine, flushed from the alcohol and looking glumly down into his red solo cup of Bonehead brew. "Hey there," Gabby said, leaning her hip against the arm of the couch and offering Max a smile. "Rough day?"

"You have _no_ idea." That wasn't precisely true: Gabby had heard from Rickey about the colossal fuck-up that had been today's invention exchange right after she'd delivered the theater report to Kinga, and Max had looked twitchy as hell when she'd handed the report over and bolted as soon as the containment ceremony was over. Gabby just lacked the specifics of what had happened. 

"Tomorrow's gonna be rough too if you keep drinking that," she pointed out, and he tilted the cup so she could see it was empty.

"I was thinking about getting another."

"How many have you had?"

"Only three," he protested, but any of Cherry's brews were significantly stronger than Earth liquor, and Grimdark was one of the more potent potables. Gabby smoothly replaced his cup with a bottle of water, and he sighed. "Are you cutting me off? That's cold, Gabby. I thought we were friends."

"We are friends," she said warmly, nudging his shoulder with her elbow. "I'm such a good friend that I'm making sure you don't try to kill yourself from how bad your hangover will be tomorrow morning." He made a face at her, and she deposited the bowl of pretzels on his lap and moved to sit next to him on the couch. They were the same height, and it was nice not to have to look up at her conversational partner for a change. "What's wrong? The last time you tried to get obliterated was after the whole Reptilicus Metallicus thing. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, can it?"

"Don't underestimate my capacity to fuck up," he sighed. "I... may have said something to Kinga that I really shouldn't have said."

"Professional or personal?" He winced, and Gabby shook her head. "Oh, Max. You gotta stop doing this to yourself, man. You know she gets crueler every time she shuts you down, why do you keep trying?"

"Because I'm an idiot," he said. "An idiot who never learns."

"That's her talking, not you," Gabby said, putting her hand on Max's arm. "You're not dumb, you know. You just... do dumb things where your heart is concerned." Max huffed a humorless laugh, and she gave him a wry smile. "Stop throwing yourself against a brick wall. It's painful to watch, I can only imagine how it feels. You're a good person, Max, you deserve better than this." 

"How do you do it?" he asked, glancing up at her from where he'd been staring into the bowl of pretzels. 

"Do what?"

"See the best in people... you see the best in everyone. How do you do it?" Gabby's brows arched, and she ran a hand through her red hair and tugged a curl thoughtfully.

"I don't see the best in everyone," she prevaricated. "I see the worst of a lot of people. But I believe that people can be better than their worst. And I want them to be better than their worst. And you'd be surprised at how many times someone just needs a little nudge to get them off that worst path and onto a better one." She nudged her elbow against his and smiled again. "Here's your nudge."

"I think I need more than a nudge," he said gloomily. "I think I need a clue-by-four upside the head." 

"Don't say that too loud or Kinga will get wind of it and actually try it," Gabby said with a laugh. "Come on, you have to want something besides the capricious attention of a cruel woman. What would make you happy?" He shrugged and sighed heavily.

"I don't know... I just want to be loved, I guess," he said. "I don't even really know what I'd do if she didn't shut me down though. I'd be like the dog who caught the car. I got what I wanted... and then what do I do with it? What could a dog actually do with a car?"

"You're not a dog," Gabby said. "Although you are ridiculously loyal. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, you know. Everybody wants to be loved."

"Even Boneheads?" Gabby wrinkled her nose at him.

"Yes, even us. We might have been created in a lab but we still have feelings. You'd be amazed at the sordid stuff flying under your radar, you have no clue..." 

"Oh really? Like what?" She reached up and mimed zipping her lips shut.

"My lips are sealed, buddy. Somebody's gotta keep the secrets around here. You want gossip, go talk to someone plastered."

"But you know _everything_ that goes on around here," he wheedled. "Come on, Gabby, tell me one little piece of gossip. Anything. Something dumb, something harmless, just... something." She crossed her arms and gave him a long, calculating look.

"Finish that bottle of water and eat some pretzels and _maybe_ I'll let something slip," she said. "Although I should probably tell you when you're least sober."

"Deal," he said, and emptied half the water bottle in one go. "I won't-- I won't repeat it," he added. "Whatever you tell me. I have no one to gossip to." 

"So you say," she said, and stole a pretzel out of the bowl to nibble on. "How do I know you won't repeat it to Kinga?" He gave her a kicked-puppy look.

"Kinga doesn't listen to half of what I say to her anyways. And she's not that invested in what you guys get up to off the clock." The hurt look deepened. "Don't you trust me?" Gabby pursed her lips humorously.

"I don't trust anyone who's been drinking Grimdark until they sober up."

"Jeez, that's cold."

"Oh please, compared to Kinga my coldest is like a warm hug," she shot back, and he conceded the point with a tilt of his head. "...but I do trust you," she added softly a moment later. "You've always been a decent guy."

"Except for the Reptilicus Metallicus thing," he sighed.

"Well, yeah, but as soon as you did it you knew it was the wrong thing to do. And Jonah survived, so really... no harm, no foul?" Probably not from Jonah's perspective, but Jonah wasn't the one who needed Gabby's help. "I'm not going to castigate you over one mistake."

"I never make one mistake. My mistakes come in clusters. Like miserable grapes."

"I'm pretty sure miserable grapes are what Cherry uses to make Grimdark," she said brightly, grinning at him. "Even clusters of mistakes can be redeemed. And you're not a naturally miserable person. You have a sunny personality."

"Much good may it do me," he muttered, and she bumped her shoulder against his.

"It does," she said. "Even if you don't know it yet." He sighed again and ate some more pretzels, and she watched him with her head slightly tilted. She'd agreed to share gossip with him, but she wouldn't tell anyone else's secrets. That meant it had to be one of her own, then. Gabby played her own secrets close to the chest, finding it much easier to get people to talk about themselves as long as she kept asking questions. Not many people turned the questions back onto her, and honestly she liked it that way, but... 

"There," he said, holding up his empty water bottle. "I did what I was told."

"Famous last words," she said, and he blinked at her. She stood up and held her hands out. "C'mon. Time to get you home."

"Oh, come _on_ , that was just to make me portable?"

"Not _just_ ," she said, and wiggled her fingers. "I'm not going to tell you anything in the middle of a party, are you kidding? You want the dirt, you gotta come with me." He sighed and let her pull him to his feet, wobbled slightly, and sighed again when she slid an arm around him to steady him. "You'll thank me in the morning," she said, steering them by the snack table to grab another bottle of water before leading him out into the hallway.

"You're a mother hen," he said, and started to giggle when she clucked at him. "Seriously! What do you get out of all of this?"

"All of what?"

"This... helpfulness. Niceness. What's the secret motive?"

"Secret motive for being nice?" She arched a brow at him. "C'mon, I know you're a villain, but seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Sometimes being nice is its own reward," she said, and hit the button for the elevator when they reached the end of the hall. "You know, there's no mental health services on the Moon."

"Yeah, I _know_." 

"I'm just trying to keep people from going off the deep end. I... I remember what happened to Jake. Number 17. After he lost it, when he was..." She shuddered. "Decommissioned." Max winced sympathetically. That hadn't been very long after Gabby had been created, and it was the most horrific thing she could think of happening to a Bonehead. "I don't want that to happen to anyone else. And if I have to play armchair therapist to every person on this damn moon base, it won't." The elevator doors opened. She took a step, and he didn't. She tugged gently and he came along.

"You're a do-gooder," he said in a strange tone. "I know Kinga didn't account for that when she was creating you."

"You singular or you plural?"

"You singular, you were created for a purpose. You were meant to be empathetic. I just don't think you were meant to be _this_ empathetic."

"I aim to exceed expectations," she said cheerfully. "Hell, Kinga should thank me. She has no idea how many crises I've intervened in already."

"How many?" he asked curiously. She shook her head.

"More than you think." She had a feeling that tonight was another tick mark on that list, but he didn't need to know that. The doors opened, and she guided him down the hall. "I believe this is your stop, young man," she said when they reached his door. Max leaned against the wall next to the door and fixed her with a very serious look.

"You promised me gossip."

"I categorically did no such thing," she said primly. "I said I _might_ tell you something."

"Gabby... come _on_." She'd just been teasing, but he looked betrayed. She blinked a couple of times and straightened up, putting a hand on his arm.

"Hey, I was just messing around. You want some dirt? I have high-quality dirt." She looked up and down the hallway. It was an ostentatious and useless display-- the only other people who lived in this wing were Kinga and Synthia, and Gabby could tell them apart from the sounds of their boots. No one was coming down this hall. Max's eyes were wide when she looked back at him. She leaned in close and put her mouth next to his ear. "If you ever decide to stop throwing yourself against that brick wall... you might find a door if you looked for one. Closer than you might think."

"Wh-what?" Oh, the poor thing looked confused. Gabby huffed a laugh and poked one finger gently against his chest.

"Someone likes you, dork."

"... _really_?"

"Would I lie to you?" He thought about it for a second and then slowly shook his head. She smiled and pointed at his door.

"Go to bed, Max. Unless you need to be tucked in."

"I'll manage," he said, flushing darker under the alcohol flush, but he paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked at her again. "...really seriously?"

"You should put the painkillers next to your bed," she said. "You're gonna want them in the morning."

"Mother hen," he said, and she clucked at him again. "Thanks, Gabby."

"You don't need to thank me," she said, and patted his back as he opened his door. "It's my pleasure." When the door closed behind him, she stood in the hallway for a moment just staring at it. _What the hell, Gabby. Why did you tell him that?_ She started the trek back to the party. _Well, at least he'll probably never guess you were talking about yourself. If he even remembers in the morning._

She honestly wasn't sure if she wanted him to remember or not.


End file.
